Silence, Solitude, Love & Life

In the midst of all the madness and insanity that is my life, as I sit here and listen to the wailing of the sirens in the far-off distance, amid the gentle pitter patter of the rain spitting down from the heavens, I find a deep sense of calm.

I am alone. This moment is mine; the rain is falling just for me. The earth smells like heaven, just for me. The tender breeze blows, just for me. The universe is speaking in strange languages tempting me, teasing me, testing me – shaping me. Amidst the disorder of my feelings, and with intense difficultly to form any coherent meaningful thoughts, I find myself at a momentous juncture in life. I am finally at THAT point. Do we dream greater dreams when the dreams we’ve had have been fulfilled?  I wonder. Living alone allows for a great deal of solitude, it allows for deep, meaningful soul searching. It allows for pondering over ones innermost demons – it allows for challenging oneself in ways that perhaps we even forgot existed – it allows for the rediscovery of one’s passions, likes, dislikes and general preferences. It allows for the discovery of brazen insight in all its shamelessness and splendour. I appreciate the deafening silence now more than ever.  I am listening intently to my soul and her secrets, her desires and ambitions, her dreams of discovery – and I am learning to appreciate her cosmic sense of imagination which I gradually forgot existed as I grew into adulthood and attained a sense of independence.

Gazing at the city lights, the image distorted somewhat by the rain, I am overcome by the magnitude of our Creators artistry. I am deeply, profoundly, and sincerely thankful to be here, alive today in this moment – in my moment. Each day, along with its many trials and tribulations, its multitude of assorted emotions – whatever comes what may – I know that possibilities are incessant – there is no reason to stop dreaming, stop discovering, stop conquering. There is no reason to stop living – to stop truly feeling alive. There is no reason for living a life devoid of meaning and substance, a passionless, loveless life. Yes, I am in love – in love with so many things and some amazing people, and I will constantly fall in and out of love with all sorts of things in life – but at the very least, if but anything, I am alive, in this moment – in my moment. I am here, breathing, thinking, feeling, hurting – but alive – and ready to embrace whatever challenges life’s curve balls may throw at me!

Recurring thought...

Sometimes we have totally lose ourselves in order to rediscover who we truly are and what we attach meaning and value to in life so as to forge a truly meaningful existence.

Tea, Roses, & Sunshine

That Girl...

(Who has many issues to deal with J)

Grappling with a lot of issues young people experience, I have found that I’ve lost myself.  I have decided to attempt a process of rediscovery by exploring my old passions, one of which is writing. It is on that premise that I’ve decided to blog again to an audience of anonymity on the interweb who probably experience similar sorts of experiences – perhaps I will inspire a soul or two, or perhaps I will gain a greater insight through this writing process about myself and the role I imagine myself to be playing in this beautiful amazing world that we reside in. To be honest, and especially with myself, I feel like my creative energy is being breathed right back into me, and it is really kind of overwhelming right now. I am constantly bombarded with new ideas: for business and career prospects, for travel, for art, for  things I should write about, for development projects – for all sorts of things, and I need to find a way to extract the best in all of those ideas and make them a reality.

I have been a part of the fortunate few who have been afforded opportunities to travel to various destinations of all sorts with sometimes crazy missions. I have, without a doubt, been blessed to have lived with and met some of thee amazing young minds of my generation – from activists, to artists, to peace builders and young leaders who truly are an inspiration that no words can fully, justifiably describe.  

I have an amazing family, and wonderful friends, and I am surrounded by a network of supportive individuals who love and appreciate me. I am in love with, and loved by a great guy. I know that as an intelligent being, I have a lot to offer and a lot to contribute towards in this world. Like all dreamers, I have dreams of doing amazing things to inspire change. I want to travel more. I want to help people discover their potential. I want to build capacities in young people. I want to bridge my passions (which I have a plan for). I want to live in Jozi. I want to discover the underground world of music, art, poetry, dance and theatre – and be a part of it. I want to get married. I want to create an incredible family. I want to live a truly meaningful life.

Through all of these blessings, and I acknowledge fully, and am deeply thankful for them; I find myself going through bouts of depression, feelings of insecurities and uncertainties, and a lot of self doubt. I consider myself to be a spiritual person, and I am determined to change these negative feelings into beautiful positive ones which will enable me to be the best person I can be, and live in the most meaningful manner I know best.

Until next time, lots of love, light, laughter and positive energy!

Travels to my Africa: Rwandan Experiences

Etched in the depths of my being are the memories of April 1994. It was a monumentally memorable occasion for all South Africans. A change was taking place in our beautiful country. On the 27^th of April, millions of South Africans from all walks of life queued for hours on end to vote in the country’s first democratic election, which saw Nelson Mandela becoming the first black President. While many anticipated a full-blown civil war, South Africa’s transition to democracy was a peaceful one, and now serves as a beacon of hope to the world. Prior to democracy, a system of legal racial segregation, called Apartheid, was in place whereby the ‘black’ majority were oppressed by the ‘white’ minority. During Apartheid, the worst kinds of human injustices were perpetrated. This system lasted almost half a century and gave birth to a range of problems which South African’s are still coming to terms with.

This is a stark contrast to what was taking place to the north of South Africa, in Rwanda. April 1994 for Rwandans was probably one of the darkest periods of their history during which the mass murder of 800 000 moderate Mahutu’s and Matutsi’s took place, and what is now referred to as the Rwandan Genocide. The trip to the Kigali Memorial Centre made me realise that a lot of comparisons could be drawn from the Rwandan genocide, and Apartheid. During Apartheid, a minority people oppressed a majority people, whereas during the Genocide, a majority people oppressed a minority people. People suffered the worst kinds of human injustices. At the end of it all, it was humans oppressing other humans. After both tragedies, reconciliation efforts were made through commissions to allow people the opportunity to share their experiences, to grieve, to hurt, to cry, to try and come to terms with things that happened, things they experienced and things they witnessed – and most importantly to forgive.

Sixteen years later, and many life lessons learnt, both South Africa, and Rwanda are on paths of recovery. As a South African, arriving in Kigali amidst the hustle and bustle, and sheer excitement of the Rwandan people at their presidential inauguration, there is no sense of there ever being genocide albeit through the recollections of people – unique in its own way, Kigali is growing on me. Rwandan people are very warm, and ever so helpful – and are willing to share their stories and experiences. The people I have met are truly inspiring and I am privileged to be a part of something so profoundly meaningful. We have, as South Africans, Rwandans, people, humans – experienced all sorts of conflict, and our challenges lie not only in our approaches to peaceful resolutions, but to also allow these experiences to change us, our perceptions, and attitudes in a positive way so that people can co-exist in a harmonious world, celebrating differences, and appreciating the gift of life.

About Happiness

It's 4.44AM - Most normal people are asleep; though there is something very serene about the hours preceeding Fajr salaah.

I dont write here much anymore (or at all :) ) - but what the heck!

Alhamdulillah, I have been growing spiritually, nurturing my soul - lighting up my spirit - learning things, Living, being alive! Isn't that what life's all about after all? Finding our pathways... I have met so many interesting people who have inspired me recently. I have lost touch with so many people too.

I am content. Happy with my life. Learning to live for my Creator's pleasure. Loving my family more every day. Living Healthy. Writing a bit. Reading a lot. Talking a lot. Observing. Giving Thanks. Being Polite. Letting Go. Holding On (to aspirations). This is the magic which within us lies. This is the spirit that leaves and flies.

Till we meet again perhaps.
Love,
S

PS:
Special Thanks to:
Naz, Sid, Zah, Ahmed, Jameel, Fai, Zubz, F&R (and other siblings), and My Saturday Kids (and to anyone else who makes this journey so, so worthwhile, you's inspire me to achieve!) - Thanks for all the reccomended readings, long debates, small inspirations (which mean so very much), encouragement, laughter, smiles, tears, patience (And you's must have a lot of it!), coaching, conversations at thee most random hours, and above all, your love, warmth, kindness, support and everlasting friendship! My beautiful gems :) from the depths of my being, I thank You's!

Life...

Eylo there,

Its been a while and sooo many of you`s have asked me about my next posting. In all honesty i got bored of the virtual realm; and things have been busy. Anyways, i was thining about life in general, how things change, the uncertainty, the routine, the way some live and some merely exist and i thought that it would be interesting to ask two questions:

• What defines life? and
• If you were told that the battles of the end of this existance were here, what would be your reaction?

Personally, i think faith, family, friends, experiences (good and bad) attribute to defining life, but i just think we define life in terms of the people we learn we are. if that makes any sense :/

As for the final battles, well, perhaps it would be too late to ask for forgiveness from my Creator, but thats what i would do, and the rest, well theres naught else to do save embrace death...

hearts and brains

I was thinking about this and had a conversation with a good friend about it yesterday, hearts and brains. Without a brain, you’re dead, and without a heart you’re dead.

But

Isn’t it funny how with emotions the heart ignores what the brain says?
(or sometimes…its the other way around)

Yet without either one of them, you cease to exist.

From an Obscure View

The winds blow outside, almost calling out to the emptiness of the world. A longing to grasp the truth beneath the worlds, and then suddenly it all ceases and night befalls the world - An enveloped darkness in to which we must surrender. Surrender our lives, our souls, our being. The world lies at the brink of War, a war which would maim many a woman and child. It would scar the world with everlasting devastation and would denote the coming of the end.

Having conquered many precincts, I find myself in the midst of an emotional perplexity. My dreams seemingly distorted are now within my grasp. Soon I will complete my degree. That in itself would be a concluding chapter of life. No longer will I be trussed to the routine protected verve of knowingness. I will be impelled into a greater world, a world vast and full of uncertainty, a world of choice.

Many a person has stumbled and has fallen in this great course of life. The young are hopeless and ostensibly lost. People yearn to devour that which is forbidden. This road we travel on is long and hard. We strive to understand the meaning. We long for the truth. And yet, yet we fail to live. To live in the demeanour in which was prescribed for us by the Greater Being. We have fallen prey to this secular life. We fear subjugation and we long for wealth and pre-eminence. We are pride-filled and thus too proud.

The world as it seems is a product of a distorted nation. That in which man finds beauty, if looked at intently has ugliness, to some extent. That in which man finds pleasure in, is wronged. That in which sweetness is found is actually bitter. We gain pleasure from other people’s angst. We indulge in that which is forbidden and omit that which has been made compulsory on us.

We yearn to live a peaceful life, yet we tear down nations violently. We wrong ourselves. We live life criticising others, yet we are hypocrisy filled. We long for worldly wealth, yet deep beneath we know that worldly wealth will not direct our sails to the end. For wealth has no true happiness. The beauty of pure happiness cannot be obtained by synthetic elements of life. Happiness will be experienced only once Prayer and the Greater Being is a part of life. It is to him that we owe our love and trust to, for without him, we would not be. He is the epitome of all life.

Today I feel acerbic towards the world. I cannot comprehend the injustices of the world. I look around me and people are dying. Children younger than me suffer, either from hunger, abuse, disease, famine or HIV Aids. Or they fall victims to war. They are being deprived of life. I mourn the injustices of this place people like to consider a ‘heaven on earth’. Life is a cruel element. The ones we love are stolen from us, those that our futures depend on are being killed, those that we look up to age and those that we long for are but a forgotten memory.

With this passage of time, we have become products of our society. We live inconsiderably; we just move on and forget that which is significant. That which humanity has deemed necessary has become a burden on society. We yearn for interdependence, yet only for that part which will benefit our lives. We have become an uncaring nation. It is said ‘united we stand, divided we fall’ though we continue to neglect the fundamental aspects of life. We leave the hungry and homeless to fend for themselves. Those who are diseased are dying, while an entire nation of diseased people are being born. We shun these beings and deem them outcasts of not just society but life. They have become burdened upon us.

I live in a beautiful country, South Africa, which has overcome many human injustices during the course of and especially during the last decade. In my lifetime, I have learnt to appreciate the situation of my birth land. I have matured in my manner of thinking towards my South Africa during this expedition of realisation. I have learnt that many South African people were oppressed and that they died with dignity as they died for their ideals and beliefs. I have learnt that Apartheid drove many potential South Africans away from our beautiful country. I have learnt that although South Africa currently experiences many problems such as crime, health and Aids, the newer generation have a great deal to appreciate as we are living in a democratic and free South Africa. I have learnt that although I live in a society where racial prejudice has not yet been totally eradicated I must still continue to believe and have faith and hope that someday, people will live together in serenity in this land of ours. I have learnt that South Africa boasts a liberal constitution which perfectly encapsulates everything required for a great nation such as South Africa. Moreover, finally I’ve come to the realisation that we live in a diverse society where opinions differ; we have got to learn to look beyond race and to live side by side in peace. I have learnt that ‘united we stand, divided we fall’.

I want to be a patriot, not to just my country or my religion; I want to be a patriot to life. I seek neither fame nor wealth. I seek peace and prosperity. I yearn to live in a nation where man, flora and fauna live alongside each other; where love conquers all and lives on for eternities. Where rights are respected and injustices cease to exist. I am not afraid of death; I’d choose to die changing the world than die a product of my society. People long for wealth and synthetic prestige and I, I yearn for a home for the homeless, food for the hungry, well-being for the ill and a long life to old and young alike. I yearn for God’s mercy. Beneath the bitterness of the world, dwells peace, love and radiant sun-shines and beautiful smiles to last lifetimes to come. If only we can change society in time, if only…

On Death

It’s a topic we don’t really give much thought to until something happens to someone we know. I used to think about what it would be like to lose a person I loved, and when it happened, nothing could have prepared me for the shock. When we read or watch the news, we hear of people in wars being killed, at first the outcry is resounding but with the progression of time we become impervious towards the bloodshed that comes with war, we forget the innocent children, the women, the aged, the disabled, and we forget the loss of lives. We’re hardly touched by death unless it happens to someone we know.

In the holy Quraan, Allah warns us about death times over. He says: “the death from which you flee will surely meet you, then you will be sent back to (Allah) the All-Knower of the unseen and the seen, and he will tell you the things that you did” (Surah al-Jumua, 62:8). Surely we’re meant to heed these warnings and adapt our characters. Being brought up a Muslim, we were always taught that an intelligent person is one to keeps death a constant in his thoughts. We all know that we will die, but we cannot predict when. We may live to see 80, or we may be gone in the next moment, such is the inconsistency of life. Another verse from the Holy Quraan expresses the importance of keeping death in mind, Allah says: “We have granted not any human being Immortality before you, then if you die would they live forever? Every soul shall have a taste of death: and We test you by evil and by good by way of trial. To Us you will be returned” (Suratal-Anbiya, 21: 34-35).

The purpose of this entry was not to lecture anyone about death, death is inevitable, and we all know that. Sooner or later we will die. It’s a reality we must learn to embrace. Life is merely the dash which exists between our date of birth and the day we die. Our death has been predestined from the moment we’re born.

Coping with the death of a loved one is never easy, and sometimes accepting is easier for some than for others. My dad was murdered in a robbery in our shop, although the details are not important many people ask about them, so I’ll share a few of the details. On September 9th 2006, my mom was being help up in our electrical shop, the robbers had taken the money, my dad who was at home (our home is on the property behind our shop) was called by the shop staff as the robbers had guns to my mom, as my dad entered the shop he was shot four times and passed away almost immediately. Allah All mighty knows best.

But as I said, the details to a person’s death are never important, once we realize that death is predestined and that to our Creator is our return, acceptance becomes much easier. When we learn to place our faith and trust in the Hands of our Creator, much solace is found. These are merely our trials of patience, and Allah has warned us about the trials of life in the verses of the Holy Quraan which say: “Be sure we shall test you with fear and hunger, some loss in goods or lives or the fruits (of your toil), but give glad tidings to those who patiently persevere, who say, when afflicted with calamity: ‘To Allah We belong, to Him is our return” (Surah Al-Baqara, 2:155 – 156).

The best possible way to find solace is to be in constant prayer, as it is in difficult times that we are drawn closer to our Creator. Often a Muslim brother or sister will tell a grieving person to “Make Sabr” (have patience), but after a while one gets tired of hearing this, as it offers little comfort, but had the people who said it explained the significance, the grieving person would surely be comforted. It’s ok not to be strong, after all, you’ve lost a part of you; and cry, cry a lot, cry as much as you want to as often as you need to, crying relieves the pain, it’s the souls way of expressing it’s grief, remember there would be no flowers unless there was some rain. Death after all isn’t something that should be feared, it’s something that should be embraced.